Erin Pim on sex-positivity and safe spaces

Erin Pim is pretty much the personification of a safe space. She’s warm, welcoming, and jolly. It’s no wonder people open up so easily on her podcast. I had so much fun speaking with Erin about her career, her bachelorette party, and more. Read the full interview below!


I’m here with Erin Pim at Glad Day Bookshop at Church & Wellesley. Is this somewhere you come a lot?
Yeah! I love it. It’s a queer space. I’ve performed in a couple of shows here. And I meet here professionally a lot with people because I work with a lot of queer artists. It’s a nice safe space to talk in, especially if it’s sex-related.

The Bed Post Podcast Logo

Nice. Tell me about your podcast.
The Bed Post Podcast is a platform for me to speak with sex workers, sex educators, kinky people, people in interesting relationship dynamics, and people with special or interesting relationships with their own sexuality. I invite a guest onto the show and we talk for an hour about whatever we want to talk about within the realm of sex and sexuality. The main thing is that it stays within a sex-positive space.

You also host The Bed Post Variety Show. It’s a live stage show. Is that where the podcast came from?
It started as just the stage show, but I wanted to have more time with the guests. I was booking amazing guests and only getting to see them on stage for 10 minutes. So it was my way of getting those performers in a room with me to have a more in-depth conversation.

Bed Post Variety Show Pride Month
The Bed Post Pride Month Edition

What else goes on at the stage show?
Performative acts like burlesque, boylesque, freaklesque, circus acts, sideshow acts, real-life sex stories. Some people read erotic fiction that they’ve written. I have a lot of comedians performing and talking about their experiences. I like to feature people with disabilities, people of colour, trans people, folks of all different genders. I want to create a diverse presentation of who can enjoy sex: different body types, different ages. To show that sex is for everyone to enjoy.

Normally, I ask which episode you would recommend for a new listener to start with. But, this time, I think I found one on my own!
Oh yeah? Please, do tell!

I was listening to the episode with Britt Burr, who writes for Psych N’ Sex, and it struck me as a perfect episode for someone to start with because the two of you get into what is and what is not sex-positivity.
Yeah, we started super basic on that one. I think the podcast, generally, is at a 102-level and beyond. And, you’re right, that’s a good one because it starts at a 101-level like “what does sex-positivity actually mean?” and things like that.

Tell me a bit about what sex-positivity means to you.
It’s funny, I start with almost exactly the conversation I had with Britt Burr, which is “what is sex-positivity not?” To be sex-positive, it doesn’t mean that you’re having a lot of sex. It doesn’t mean that you are even having positive experiences. It’s not being preachy about sex.

Right. It’s not being kinky. I think a lot of people assume that.
Exactly. It’s not being kinky. It doesn’t mean that you’re polyamorous. It doesn’t say anything about your sex life, essentially. It’s an outlook of openness and acceptance when it comes to sex. It doesn’t inform anything about your actual sex life other than your willingness to be open to sexuality.

That’s a great way to sum up your show. Because, you’re certainly not limiting your guests to people who are having kinky experiences or any specific type of sexual activity or even any sexual activity at all.
Yeah, I’ve had guests who are chaste—people who are making the decision to not have sex for a certain amount of time. And I’ve had amazing, interesting conversations based on their chastity. That’s even more interesting to me. Everybody’s story is interesting. That’s a point I’m trying to make with the show. Yes, I can interview all these professionals and experts in the industry, but it’s also great to sit with a person who doesn’t necessarily think their experience is interesting and then find what makes them unique.

I think people are sometimes afraid to be open about their sexual experiences. Was there ever a time in your life where you weren’t so open to talking about it? Or were you always comfortable with it?
I think I always talked openly with friends about sex and sexuality. I mean, I have a story, like all of us. I struggled with it, for sure. I wasn’t always super open. But, I think, as I got older and developed The Bed Post, I realized this was an important thing to do. I mean, I have a fiancé. He’s an open, easy-going person when it comes to sex and sexuality, but he doesn’t want all of his stuff out there, you know? I need to respect his privacy, of course. So, as much as I do talk openly, it’s for sure edited. I always have an editing eye for respecting his privacy and his sex life. And even mine. A lot of times I talk in a more general way just to protect certain parties’ privacy.

As much as we are living in a time where these conversations are more prevalent, I think there’s still a lot of resistance. I know I personally live in a liberal bubble, but there’s so much outside of that. Are you ever met with resistance to your work?
I also live in that very liberal bubble, so on the daily I don’t really encounter much resistance. I mean, my mom is my biggest fan, but she would never tell her family about what I do. So there’s that. Even within my own family it’s like “I accept you, but they probably won’t…”
Even the fact that my fiancé and I are non-monogamous. I’m sure some people on my mom’s side wouldn’t understand what that means and probably wouldn’t research the avenues to get a better understanding. They might think “Oh, Erin’s being taken advantage of by her husband who wants to sleep with other women.” That would be the thought rather than realizing we both get to create meaningful connections outside of our relationship.

Speaking of your fiancé, how was your bachelorette party?
It was so great! It was everything I wanted it to be. We had a lovely dinner, then we went out to see a fantastic burlesque show, Reveal Me at The Rivoli, and then we went to Oasis Aqualounge. There was a mix of some friends that I’ve worked with in the sex community and some of my fiancé’s friends who are not in that world. So, I assumed many people would leave after the burlesque show and I would end up going to Oasis with just a few people. But, essentially everyone came. And I was so impressed. They came out of their comfort zones and I appreciated that so much. They were open to it and gave it a shot and that is just so meaningful to me.

Oasis Aqualounge Pool

Describe Oasis for those who don’t know what it is.
Oasis is a sex club here in Toronto. It’s at 231 Mutual St. In general, it’s a sex-positive hub for sex-positive businesses, entertainers, educators. It’s a judgement-free, shame-free safe space for all types of pleasure and play. It’s an inclusive venue for people of all gender identities and sexualities. It’s got a big heated pool, a sauna, a hot tub, a performance space, a dungeon, a private room. It’s a converted old mansion so it’s got all these cool little rooms. You certainly don’t have to participate in everything. You can be on the dance floor, go swimming, just chill. It’s great! I love it and I also have a business relationship with them. They sponsor me and I also teach there once a month.

What do you teach?
I teach a lap dance class. Anyone who’s at the club can participate. Or you can just watch the class if you want. It’s for everyone: couples, singles, people of any gender. It’s a goofball situation. People are drinking and just having fun being sexy with their partner or with a stranger or a friend.

I’m glad there’s a safe space like that in Toronto for people to be open.
Yeah, it makes a lot of people happy!

You used to write erotic fiction. You’ve written a bunch of books. Do you know how many?
I definitely have over a dozen publications, though they’re not all full books by me. I’ve contributed to a bunch of different anthologies and things with erotic short stories.

Do you still write?
Not really. The only time I write erotica now is to read it at the variety show. I usually open the show myself with a different thing. Sometimes that’s an erotic reading, sometimes it’s a striptease, sometimes it’s a song and dance. So, the only time I write these days is for the stage show.

Did you read erotica when you were younger?
Yeah, when I was young and the internet was just becoming a thing, I would go on blogs. There was this website called DisgruntledHousewife.com and it had a lot of sex writing on it. I was on that website like, every day. People could contribute to it and share their own stories and it was just intoxicating to me to have literature to… masturbate to, essentially [laughs].

Well, on that note, let’s move on to my unrelated questions!
When was the last time you couldn’t stop laughing?
Oh, the bachelorette party, for sure. There was a part at the burlesque show where they have audience volunteers do a booty-shaking competition and my friend, Becky, went up with me. And she was just so funny. She’s the biggest ham. She won, obviously. I’m a professional burlesque dancer and Becky won, that’s how funny she was.

If I say close your eyes and go to your happy place, where do you go?
Hanging out with my fiancé at home, watching a show together. Snuggled up on the couch. And eating. We like to pig out. We give ourselves one day a week where we get all the treats and that is like heaven to me.

If you could wade through a pool of something that was not water, what would you choose?
Hm, well I have a little bit of a wet and messy fetish, so I’m thinking Jell-O for sure.

So many people think of Jell-O first!
Has that been done somewhere in public consciousness? Like Jell-O wrestling? Why does everyone think of Jell-O?

I don’t know! I guess because it’s close enough to water without being a liquid? When I interviewed Cody Crain, his answer was just carbonated water [laughs].
[Laughs] Well, he’s a freak, so…

Okay, and finally, if you had one question for me, what would it be?
Okay. If you could plan out the next time you have sex, what would you want it to be like?

Oh, wow. Okay. Um, you know when you were 15 and you had a high-school crush on someone? Like a super giddy crush? I guess I would want it to be the first time with my biggest crush. I think that pent-up emotion would finally release and it would be magical.
So, it would be magical, it would be with a new person, and it would be giddy. Love it. That’s a great answer.

Anything to plug?
The Bed Post Podcast
Also, The Bed Post Podcast YouTube Channel
The Bed Post Variety Show
Lap Dance 101 classes at Oasis Aqualounge. The 2nd Friday of every month at 11pm. It’s part of Bump N Grind, which is a night dedicated to 90s dance, pop, and r&b. The class is kicked off with a striptease performance by me!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bedposterotica/
Instagram: @thebedpostsexshow

Amazing. I hope everyone checks out The Bed Post Podcast. It’s such a comforting presence in the city and I’m so glad it exists!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: